JAIL/REHAB TIPS.

1. Have your life be really, really shitty before you go in. Have people in your life that make you miserable. Don't take care of yourself at all. 2. Read or listen to https://oyc.yale.edu/psychology/psyc-110/lecture-20 3. Have online friends that will write you. This is the most important. 4. View jail as a time for theosophical studies. View rehab as your time as a behavioral scientist. 5. When you are asked if you are prone to seizures, say yes if you don't want a top bunk. They will ask the date of your last three seizures. Make one of them within the past year. 6. In jail, they will give you Klonopin for five days. Buspar is popular and some people snort it. 7. In rehab, everyone takes Trazodone to help them sleep. It causes nightmares. You can take Prazosin for that, just say you have PTSD nightmares. Avoid Seroquel if you can, it makes you fat. Cat Marnell has recommended Topamax to stay skinny and you can totally take that in jail. 8. The day you check in to rehab, do heroin or some opiate so you are eligible for MAT. This means you can get Suboxone or Methadone (to be eligible for methadone, you must be pregnant or have had several failed rehab attempts with Suboxone) and be on at least something for however long you're there. I don't recommend this if you do not plan on immediately relapsing upon your release. 9. Your bunkie is gonna make or break your stay. If you don't like her, get a trustee during programming to go house shopping with you. Preferably the one you pay to braid your hair. 10. Get some good reading done!! 11. Mental illness in jail is not on your side. If you like being able to wear underwear and use sporks, you aren't suicidal, okay? 12. Don't throw food at the guards, this is called gassing. It is a crime. They will put "GASSES" above your door. (lol) You don't want any sign above your door. My best friend in jail had HOSTILE above hers. She was great. Some other signs are WITHDRAWING and SUICIDAL. 13. The people wearing light blue are pregnant so treat them accordingly. 14. The most important thing to plan for in rehab is your nicotine addiction. If your rehab accepts vapes, great. If they don't, bring as many cigarettes with you as you can. Don't give them out to people until they're your friends. 15. Honesty is the worst policy. REPEAT AFTER ME: honesty is the worst policy. In jail, everyone treats snitches accordingly. In rehab, they're celebrated and rewarded by staff. If you can keep to yourself, that's great, but you're going to get lonely and eventually talk to someone. 14. Have a massive stimulant problem before you go in either place because then you can just sleep for like five days straight. 15. Get arrested with your glasses on. Published April 18th, 2022 on her Neutral Spaces blog. Read on MLC May 13th, 2022