Like a Good Girl Should

there is nothing more innocent than the phrase "i just wanted." in a capitalistic society, you get a capitalistic soul. a soul that w a n t s never stops wanting. because wanting is a very magical occupation. you get what you want only to want again & "by definition, we can never have what we want." it is regenerative, eternal. a beat always in your blindspot. it's why what you think is so filthy to me is so pure. she wasted her time to sweat & make you guess & as the fairytale goes: reality seeds fantasy & fantasy births desire & desire leads to action in reality some drunk greedy old perverted fuck- you know, the type that you can't believe actually exists as more than a cliché until you're unfortunate enough to meet one yourself. you can say what you want, girl- but it's nothing like before but methods of the masses misled this man to believe to pretend [& to pray] that enough dissociatives, downers, could rouse him delirious enough to not feel guilty [at least until he was sober] about a drugged and soporific cognitive dissonance/ a societal permission/a fact among those who don't deny their nature/a secret to those who make it one but anyways, it's all okay now. he bought her stuff. doesn't everyone want stuff? expensive stuff? ...because everyone knows that m o n e y IS p e r m i s s i o n moneyispermissionismoneyispermission and nothing you say you little fuck will stopitSTOPit from being true cuz he just wanted to fuck, like how she just wanted to get the fuck out of there alive to maybe not remember to maybe not be the victim of her own arrival to maybe not have to choke on some stranger's cock to feel like he wouldn't get out a gun or three that he oh-so-generously flashed earlier. and the lower you push him the faster you crawl back with every inch of skin abused 20 hours of sleep & a body's refusal of rattled plastic & dysphasic preservation and maybe a minor confusion in the dark hate the perpetrator you bleed like a good girl should when it gets too hard you bleed like a good girl should take it lying down you bleed like a good girl should yeah baby you still gag you bleed girl a good girl should yeah you take it so good you know when to be proud you fucking masochist you smile proud you bleed just like a girl should you look me straight in the eyes you know just what it's like to know your purpose in life you know just what we like good thing you have no choice now say it say it you can't taste it anymore you know just what you're for so say it say it you feel so empty with & without me why play such innocence? you love every minute of it- & you won't forget any second of it. stumble in heels/ choke through the crowd/ so bored unless you are bleeding/ i'd been finding a brand-new way/ to kindly pick my reasons/ stumble in heels/choke through the crowd/ always i am the exception/ it may not be good/but i have found/and abandoned all confession “i have no idea. angsty, yes, more of putting a few things together in a new way and playing with styles to see how i could make a few things feel more powerful.” November 26th, 2010